amazing. how the time passes by. we haven’t spoken for almost
three five months now. is it because of me or because of you? I am trying to figure it out without actually asking you, because of course, I don’t want to know the answer. either way, it would hurt me to know. why are things so fucking complicated with you? I will never know. but from what I collect from various online sources, you’re doing well. heartbroken just as I was once, but you’re doing well. things will get easier and better eventually, even though it seems to me this year hasn’t been so good to you. I wish I could say I am sorry.
recently I’ve been going through my iTunes, deleting and adding music. I’ve put back the entire discography of morcheeba. rome wasn’t built in a day. I think I understand now why september is so important to me. I thought of writing you an email and sending the song as attachment, but then I realized I have nothing to say to you. it is sad.
I remember the summer you introduced me to them, I remember it all so well. I still think of that one night we spent under the stars, in front of the fire, I got drunk for the first time in my life and I am glad you were there because I had no idea what was going on with me. in a way that summer was horrible. but it is also my favorite. I spent the whole night contemplating whether I should tell you that by the end of the year I might be gone, on the other side of the planet. I decided not to ruin anything. at least not at that point.
the moment of destruction would come much later. you stood in front of the entrance to our house. it was freezing, last days of december. it was midnight dark but I could still see your face. the expression was clear. everything is going to be different now, isn’t it?
yes. we’re both gone.
signed oscar wilde.
September 19, 2010