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October 28, 2008 | (Unfinished) Thoughts

today at lunch:

what’s your religion?
kurt cobain.

after viewing some of the pages from a new kurt cobain book called cobain unseen my obsession seems to be back. it’s been a long time since i last listened to unplugged in new york, bleach or in utero, my three favorite albums. last year i mentioned cobain in every single of my posts. i’m listening to unplugged right now. beauty of that album just takes my breath away. even now, fourteen years later. it’s hard to explain why i feel about seattle the way i do. music from and around that city changed my life in many ways. it gave me a meaning, a path to follow each day.

nothing matters. when you say it out loud it feels as if it is the biggest lie in the world. the most honest truth. i’m thinking about the day we spent comparing everything to this sentence. terms and words were insignificant as a fly. a friend became just a someone we know; happiness turned out to be coffee; religion was transferred to friday nights. love, in our world, did not exist at all. it is just an expression, it has nothing to do with the real feeling, which unlike the word, does exist. it hides the truth, it makes questions rise above the limited surface. it makes us uncomfortable, it makes us angry, sad and desperate. we are looking for a wrong word. wrong form and shape. it didn’t matter. nothing mattered. not our age, time, places or names. everything was irrelevant. we turned to plato and socrates. why does it matter? because it doesn’t. philosophical questions of a circled answer. what is the difference between everything and nothing? it is the gap between the two that makes a person. all the things that i fail to understand today are becoming clearer and clearer.

there’s a hint of surrealism in my thoughts because they reach out of the limit. they are connected but completely unrelated. just like strangers in a motel on the highway 101.