245: back to black

simplicity is very much needed in my life. in fact, i don’t think i need anything else. just keep the things simple, please. you may have already seen this photography of an unmade bed before. i couldn’t help it and i had to return back to it.

i haven’t been writing lately.

i haven’t been taking any photos.

i have watched blow up, the curious case of benjamin button, (surprisingly funny) marley & me, lions and lambs, the dreamers, 36 quai des orfèvres and entire two seasons of grey’s anatomy.

i’m sinking.

and school starts on monday.

a short story number two


— a disorder characterized by uncontrollable bouts of sleepiness during the daytime, occasional loss of muscle power and paralysis, and hallucinations during sleep

Fire surrounded me in my life as if were my friend, as if it were something I trusted and believed in. Every time I had seen a fire I knew something would change. We had always trusted each other. I trusted you because you knew how to take care of certain things. We have never gotten into a fight we have never been rude at each other. I thought we would stay the same.

I lay down on your bed, waiting for you to come home, to your home. You didn’t know I would be there. I waited hours and hours before I finally heard the glass door open. I thought you would be mad at me for coming without calling first, but I took the chance anyway. He came into your room, your hair wet from the rain, and you saw me. You saw me lay in your bed, with your teddy bears around my shoulders, reading one of your sister’s children books. Pippi Longstocking had always been my favorite. I looked up from the book; I casually put it on my chest, as if it were mine. As if the bed were mine. I waited for your reaction. I expected to see the anger and surprise. But neither came.

You looked at me but only for a short moment. You looked around your room, bare walls, which used to be decorated with posters of various soccer players. Those bare walls represented the change, which had occurred in your life. Your bed and me laying on it represented what had always stayed constant in your life. You took off your clothes and climbed into the bed next to me. And as you did so I saw there was a smile on your face. It was an undefined smile of unspoken promises. You were glad I was there, but you weren’t sure what to think. You shivered with cold. Your lips were dark almost blue. I put my arms around you hugged you to make you feel warmer.

After an hour, your lips were healthy pink again. You fell asleep in my arms. But I couldn’t sleep that night. I saw shadows and heard voices, which weren’t there. Twice I woke up with a start. But I did not wake you. I suffered in silence only not to remember anything in the morning.

242: winter days

my 15+ degrees winter days.

11am – 2pm: i am waking up. the first thing i do i start up my laptop. it takes a while so i use the moment to put on something warmer, open my window, shut the drapes, put water to boil for coffee, i eat some dried fruit or nuts. i spend some time reading through my google reader. each day i have 1000+ unread items. i reply to emails, which i received while i was sleeping. i write. i read. i write some more. i delete everything i’ve written. i listen to music.

2pm – 5pm: i take a shower, spend some more time at home, doing chores. i write. i listen to music. i do laundry, do the dishes, and whatever else is there to do. i think i am getting better during these hours. i study. a little.

3pm – 5pm: depending on my mood, i may be outside by this time. it may be a little cooler that i would like but it is still pleasant enough to spend an entire afternoon walking around the streets, taking photos, writing, reading and meeting with people. lately i’ve been in habit to meet with a friend for coffee or lunch almost every day.

6-1am: depending on my mood and mood of others, i may be at home or i may still be outside, walking around, walking into various bookstores to read. if it’s late in the evening, i am probably somewhere sitting with friends, having a drink and listening to music. if i am home, we’re having a dinner as family as we always do, i watch a film, write, read, edit photos and search for inspiration. during these hours, i am waking up.

1am – 3am: if i’d been outside, i am probably home by this time. if i’d been at home at whole time, i am watching a movie or writing. or reading.

4am – 6am: i am growing tired. i fall asleep, usually, upside down on my bed.

6:30am – 11am – 2pm: i turn around in my bed, take off my socks. i sleep.

in a way, i can’t wait to go back to school. i’ll be sure to post another schedule as soon as the semester starts. then we’ll see how i will be feeling about getting up at six thirty in the morning.

inspired by exposed bunny.

w o r d s

random words. thoughts. loneliness. notebook. lines. pens. pencils. lip balm.

photographs. ashes. lost. dreams. ideas. windows. doors. closets. bed. 18.

books. forgotten. remembrance. savage. perversion. silence. city. asia. blues.

listen. journals. tones. jazz. wine. swallow. breathe. inhale. exhale. walks.

streets. people. chopsticks. rice. pavement. chess. souvenirs. friends.


I am feeling detached from rest of the world. You’re little out of space, again, aren’t you? he said. And I didn’t know what to answer because I was watching the half moon and I wasn’t exactly listening to him.

He’s leaving. I always knew he would be, because he never wanted to be a singer and needed to get out of this world as soon as possible. I saw it in his face, I heard it in his voice. The only moments when he sounded a little happier were when he sung you’re the only girl my heart beats for. But I had ignored his smiles. Secretly.

I am going to miss our private little conversations. I am going to miss a lot of things. My Cherie Amour will not be the same anymore. But the memory will stay. Certain people stay in my mind for some reason, and I can’t forget them. You’re one of them.

He said.