she stood by the window and smiled

September 16, 2009

Random thoughts.

There are ten days left of this semester. The next one, the last one of this year, does not begin until mid-October. After that I am going to be a high school graduate. Oh wow. It was typhoon eight two days ago. It’s raining constantly. September is not supposed to be like this. But then again, I am not staying up till the crack of dawn either. Ten more days in hong kong.

And then we’ll see.

i may have fallen apart before

September 15, 2009

I am working on a screenplay of sorts. I have a few new short stories that I am in the midst of developing. But I am also in the middle of an exam week right now. Today I woke up with a strange need to write. I haven’t felt this urge for a couple of months now. I am dreaming of filling up this space with thousands of words and photographs. I would never let this go even though I’d tried in the past.

Reasons are not important. My motivation is. There are ups and downs and sometimes I wish I didn’t have them, but there have been part of me for as long as I can remember. Maybe I was looking for wrong reasons. Maybe I asked the wrong questions and I received no answers. It makes sense.

But I am right here. I am breathing and I am doing something.

you said something but i

Sometimes if I am focused, if I am completely still, I take the moment to observe the world, what I like to call, internally. I stare into the space before me I simply don’t move don’t blink just observe. These moments tend to be intense. Silent. Sometimes hard to process because all my energy is being centered onto not moving and not blinking. During these moments I feel like I am watching the world fall apart. I can see the single particles move away from one another and drift away. The world falls apart right in front of my eyes, if I want it to.

Today I want it to fall apart. I am tired of the world. Everything is a lie. Nothing seems to be real. Greyness surrounds me at all times. My heart feels empty there is no one to love. I am dreaming of my future life. It is very different from the life I am living currently. And I am wondering whether it’s because I am so unhappy right now, or is it because I am just growing up and my opinions and lifestyle are just getting different? I think I know the answer, I am not really unhappy here where I am although I do want some things to change.

I am still stuck here. I hate it. I don’t know. I wish I could speed up the time and be somewhere else, with different people. With people who interest me, with people are not so fucking boring.

Typhoon 8 put me in a strange mood, state of mind. I am sitting with study books the whole day, in part I am actually enjoying it. I am back to Italian. It’s kind of like taking a break from Chinese.

To take a break.. where would I end up.