I fell in love, I fell out of it, and now I am not sure.
I traveled to cambodia and met someone amazing.
made many new friends.
I met a lot of new people, watched too many movies, started reading again.
went to a couple of good performances.
skalain came to visit me. it was an amazing week.
I finished high school, with that I also finished one chapter of my life.
decided to study mandarin seriously and go to beijing for a few months.
I wrote a lot, then I didn’t, then I started writing again.
now I am just trying to figure out what I am comfortable with.
I think I’ve grown up a little bit, became more content with who I am.
I’m closer to knowing what I want and what I don’t want.
I was in a relationship, then we broke up.
then I met someone new.
and I think I am happy.
it’s all that matters, right?
it never fails to amaze me that even in periods of time when I am not writing, the daily visitors count is always around a hundred. I guess you people are dedicated. however, I can’t say the same thing about myself. I have been busy, distracted, suffering from insomnia, not sleeping, sleeping too much, going out, partying, random lunches and coffees and dinners with people, more going out, cinema, coffee shops, starbucks, working, reading a lot of books, walking around, traveling from one side of the city to another, sleeping three hours and then waking up at seven, sleeping 14 hours and then waking up at two in the afternoon, random nightly calls from somebody who used to mean the world to me, drunken messages and emails, dinners with friends, running into the drummer, the bassist and the guitarist, my japanese musician (I have been spending a lot of time with him), no word whatsoever from the no name guy but I guess it’s okay.
I spent three days in china with my korean friend, watching love actually five times in five days, listening to the soundtrack on repeat, lots of akon and michael jackson, ceelo, more akon. I haven’t been listening to nirvana, foo fighters, jack johnson or the crazy heart playlist at all. it’s better like that. I haven’t been writing at all, but I have been reading a lot. so far this month, eight books. and counting. last night I bought another five. lots of letters and correspondence from dead writers.
I have been thinking a lot about 2010 but even more about 2011. because that’s the year where everything is going to change. I am going to move on to another level, a level I cannot even imagine right now. but I am aware of it. I am not standing on crossroads anymore. I decided to keep walking, see where I end up. last winter when we split with the english boy, I never thought I’d be in a relationship in summer, come summer I was in love with somebody whom I never even looked at, in summer I never thought I’d be single this winter and guess what. it’s funny the way it works. but it’s okay. my life is such a chaos right now, but the good kind. I am hardly ever at home, I haven’t got time to slow down and put my thoughts together. but I don’t mind. things are happening so fast, it’s already the 31 of december. tomorrow it’s a new start.
happy 2011, everyone.
I had a dream about you last night. I don’t think I’ve had a dream about you before, which is why it has had such an impact on me. I woke up feeling disoriented. you were sitting on my bed, in my/your pajamas, reading my copy of cobain unseen. I walked into my apartment, no else was at home, it was way past midnight, it was dark and I was looking forward to going to bed, but instead I almost had a heart attack when I saw you sitting there. then I moved closer, which must have scared you because you jumped up and left my room through the window on the twenty eighth floor. in a way we both died in my dream last night.
it was strange. and what’s even stranger I have no idea what it meant.
my life currently consists mainly of –
a three hour spas and body massages at the mandarin oriental with mom.
it has been months and months since we have done something together.
glasses of red wine in south hollywood, watching people pass by, laughing at their style.
having a few drinks with a friend on the roof, talking, listening to music.
cinema. endless hours in the cinema.
endless hours of screenwriting. I love the process even though it’s very slow at the moment.
and so on.
I’m loving the life right now. just call me already. I won’t be around forever.