a letter from the past

dear twenty year old me,

it is october 24, 2010. 11:08 pm. I wanted to be asleep for about two hours now, because I am feeling incredible pressure from the upcoming finals but that is exactly the reason why I am writing this – simply because I cannot sleep and too many things are running through my mind. I wonder how much will have changed and happened by the time you turn 20 years old. yes, I am pretending as we are two different persons and in reality, we are. only you know how stupid I am right now. I like how this letter doesn’t make sense, in a way. but it does. finals start in 9 days. in nine fucking days. but other than that everything seems to be in order. well, not really. I’m confused, and pathetic and on constant ride of ups and downs. it wears me out. the lack of stability, the fact that I have no idea where I am going to be by the time you will be reading this letter. I have no idea where we are going and what is going to happen.

but today, you’re twenty years old. you’re done being a teenager. it’s the highest time to start taking responsibility for your choices and decisions. even the ones that you made years ago, because now is the time when take will come and finally have the hidden effect on you. but it is okay. eventually things will sort themselves out. that’s all I know, I guess. everything will happen somehow, eventually.

I hope that at this point in your life, you’re happy. that you still have somebody beside you; someone who loves you for who you are. I think that’s what I will take away from this year. the realization that having a person who loves for who you are is the most amazing feeling in the world. I hope you’re content – with your surroundings and with yourself. that’s all I wish. happy birthday, bitch.

– the nineteen year old me.

the rain season


and so the rain season begins. grey, humid, migraine inducing. I just wish I could write more. right now, the only thing that keeps me going is looking at pictures of places I am yet to go to.

I tried counting the drops on the window. and found that amusing.