july in a list

vous ne pouvez pas être son premier, son dernier, ou son seul et unique. elle aimait avant et elle peut aimer de nouveau. mais si elle vous aime aujourd’hui, qu’importe le reste? elle n’est pas parfaite – vous ne l’êtes non plus, et vous deux ne pouvez jamais être parfait ensemble, mais si elle sait vous faire rire, vous amener a réfléchir a deux fois, et d’admettre d’être humain et de commettre des erreurs, accrochez vous a elle et donnez la le plus possible. peut-être elle ne pensera a vous chaque seconde de sa journée, mais elle vous donnera une partie d’elle qu’elle sait que vous pouvez casser – son coeur. donc, ne la blessez pas, ne la changez pas, n’analysez pas et ne vous attendez pas a plus que ce qu’elle peut donner. souriez quand elle vous rend heureux, faites la savoir quand elle vous rend fou, et manquez la quand elle n’est pas la. – bob marley.

things I missed:

+ dinners out and movie nights in
+ vietnamese pho in rat alley
+ hanging out at joyce is not here with filmmaker (or at least definitely not enough)
+ the guitarist and his generosity
+ spending some time at the beach, letting the waves wash against my feet
+ the boy with a heavy french accent mixed with the tribal languages of the congo river
+ our nights at zinc, surrounded by the golden buddhas and terrible music that makes us dance
+ my falling whistle; it seems to be irrevocably lost
+ writing in a paper journal. I need a new one and I need more time
+ walking around hong kong aimlessly, taking photographs
+ my home in croatia
+ the little things, but only sometimes. when the bed feels too big at night

things I enjoyed:

+ home cooked meals, almost every night
+ quiet, morning coffees with parents
+ one or two nights out with my father
+ that night when he took me to the yardbird; nicest thing anyone has done for me lately (and completely unexpected)
+ rasta love by protoje ft. ky-mani marley
+ knowing that filmmaker is always somewhere in the background & the afternoon at the wetland, as always
+ some time for myself only, but not enough
+ meeting new people but not at a bar
+ belgian waffles and english tea to go with my study notes
+ an evening with the boy; he pulled me back together – I don’t know how he does it, really
+ a concise chinese-english dictionary for lovers by xiaolu guo
+ lunches in sheung wan with my colleagues
+ incredible blue weather and deep orange sunsets
+ typhoon eight ten!
+ cartoons, strawberry yogurt, conversations at three am and hugs from the boy

now that I have written it down, things seem to have been pretty balanced lately. it comes as a surprise, actually.

205.366

a quiet morning. except for my headphones.

one coffee is not enough these days to get me up. seasonal rain of the subtropical climate has made a return. I think hong kongers were becoming rather suspicious of all that unusual blue. I like the rain and the grayness, for some reason. it seems to agree with me. my mood corresponds with the weather and I don’t have to feel guilty for not being a happy camper. but it’s not that I am unhappy now. just indifferent. strange are these times. I am grateful for this busy month. but not enough to able to write one (one, two) of my lists. I’m hoping that they will come back to me in august.

typhoon eight. in an ideal world I would be cuddled up in bed, with tea and chocolate and a special someone. but all that awaits me is work until midnight.

maybe it’s better like that.

july 22

this weekend I:

+ slept in on friday after a night out; spent the rest of the day working on a four thousand word linguistic assignment
+ watched finding forrester. who is going to buy me a typewriter?
+ stayed home on saturday night and watched lie to me for the third time
+ went out for lunch: japanese ramen and kimchi
+ spent some time picking out groceries with the patriarch, ended up buying belgian waffles, english breakfast tea and french popcorn
+ the dark knight rises made for the perfect ending to a rather easy weekend (oh, gary oldman!)

hopefully the following week won’t be too hard on me.

dear radek

incredibly touching photographs from laura makabresku. soft and quiet, tender. they touch you at heart, they make you wish for everything to be fine. you can only hope that it is. my rough (and probably largely incorrect) translation from polish. I apologize in advance.

dear radek,

I am becoming less scared now. quiet assurance lies within me that everything will be well. that you should be back to health. that you will leave the end somewhere far away and I will see the sea for the first time again. and you will be with me. before surgery, I would like us to take many pictures – sensitive and simple. after we can take others; more adult that we have ever expected.

your l.

I want to see the sea for the first time again.