february feels like such a cheating month. it comes too fast after january and it ends even faster. daily routine of life on full track. to work and from work. daily commute, in the morning the trains are packed with showered, grumpy population. if you’re lucky. in the evening, there is a general relief. but I stopped looking at the world in such a generalized perspective. I enjoy my work most days, even on the bad days it’s still good. I spend time browsing the ikea catalogue and planning, measuring the walls and the space between them. coming up with my own version of harmony. the boy surprised me last night when he come home with a bag full of chocolate donuts filled with melted chocolate. hey, look what I found, he said. it really was a discovery so to speak, because good bakeries are rare in hong kong (especially when it’s past midnight) and this batch came from a convenience store.
so we ate the donuts for dinner and finished off with a bottle of berry flavored yogurt. we have these new traditions and little things that we do every day and they make me happy. it makes me happy to wake up to him in the morning, see him sleeping with my childhood dog, which I’ve had for the last twenty-one years. there is a bird across the street in the park and we hear it every morning, in fact, it keeps me company as I make myself the first cup of coffee and stare at the empty floor. one of the things I hadn’t originally thought about was how different life would be on a third floor as opposed to the twenty-eighth of my old home. I can hear the birds and the buses, the people and pets. only the nightly fruit market is too far away now and the sound of cardboard boxes being handled and dropped is no longer the backdrop of my dreams.
the corner of shanghai street & mong kok road. just a few meters away from our entrance. from the other day, when the weather was rainy.
as I am typing this, it’s almost 3 o’clock in the morning. I am watching house of cards, the first season, to remind myself before I get started on the second season. I am feeling this incredible energy from the show. the boy and the bird are out in the living room, playing video games. through the dialogues, I can hear them laughing sometimes. I feel so good. in this space of ours, with friends coming over, laughing, drinking condensed milk with toast. I’ve been wanting this life for a long time. work makes sense now. everything makes sense a bit more. I feel better. the boy comes into our room every once a while, kisses me, checks in on me.
are you okay? do you want to hang out with us?
no, I am okay here, I am watching my show.
is it good?
yeah, it’s amazing. we’ll watch together again later.
okay, baby girl.
then he kisses me again and goes back into living room. it makes me feel adored. today we haven’t done much. I slept a lot. I completely collapsed. waking up to the boy every morning is beautiful. I listen to the street outside, the buses passing by every few minutes. it gets quite loud, especially at night. but none of this bothers me.
I wish I could say that nothing bothers me at the moment, but that would make it too easy and too perfect. I can, however, say that I am entirely content. which is something I haven’t been for a long time.
notes on our first home
I love the size of the space. it is small, but still spacious and definitely enough for the both of us.
I miss having a washing machine; the smell of our laundry was particular and it smelled like home. always like home. laundrymats do not do it justice.
our hot water is moody, I am never sure when it’s going to run out. it doesn’t bother me. in the morning, I am ready twenty minutes earlier than before.
our bedroom faces shanghai street, which is constantly busy and noisy. sometimes I awake to the roaring sounds of the bus. it makes me remember that I live in the city.
the main reason we took the place was because of the sliding door, which divide the living from the bedroom. It’s perfect.
I am close to work. I am even closer to my parents’ home. I like that.
there is a park across the road from our building and as soon as it gets a little bit warmer, we plan on drinking our coffees there.
we are slowly filling up the space with our favorite items; coffee mugs, floor lamps, tea lights, a Bob Marley poster. it is far from complete, but it is ours.
so far, so good. in fact, we love it.
I don’t know if it’s because the month of february is particularly short, but this month seems to have completely slipped away from me. everything happened too fast. at the end of january, I signed a lease for our first apartment. there were three weeks left before we could move in and those days were just a blur. nothing was certain, everything was chaotic and hasty. days have been cold and the weather does not seem to be shifting anywhere closer to spring. I’m honestly ready for the winter to end.
I fell sick on thursday night and spent the entire friday in bed, watching television and eating takeout pizza. in my own apartment, while the boy made me teas and hot lemon remedies and put cold wraps on my feet to stop me from burning up. being sick is not something I wish for, but yesterday was a bit of perfection.
we are slowly working on piecing our little nook together. I brought over some books, clothes and my favorite floor lamp. I barely ever use the overhead light and prefer the cozy feeling that is created by a corner floor lamp. we haven’t decided on a sofa yet and most of the living space is still empty. but that’s okay. it’s ours and that’s all that matters. I have neglected all my other projects I had planned, but I will return to them soon. life, lately has been difficult to document, but the material is not lacking for once. lately, everything has felt confusing and different. because everything is confusing and different.
my daily routines are the same, yet so unfamiliar. it’ll take some time getting used to.
february 20, 1967 – april 5, 1994
I guess I said everything last year, but still. today I am listening to them for the first time in years. that would have been unthinkable for my fifteen, sixteen year old self. but here we are. perhaps, it’s also time to read the bible in english for the first time, too. things change. but some will always remain the same.