september days

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the blue hour: sundown in hong kong. shot in wan chai.

here’s something funny: at the start of the month I attempted to write every single day of september and I lasted exactly two days. with the second day being reduced to a post of images rather than words. no matter what I keep telling myself (convincing myself of), the truth is that I am losing my writing. I am losing it.

every time I am reminded of this, I am filled with dread. disappointment. I am struggling with the 24 hour days. there is never enough time for everything. and prioritizing feels like being pulled through a very narrow channel or tunnel, emerging on the other side, short of breath and in discomfort. that is if one survives such a thing. I am not sure what will happen to me.

I can say that my writing has suffered in twenty-fourteen. but otherwise, this year has been most unexpected and filled with changes. my inability to keep up with my writing now has legitimate reasons: I have been in and out of transitions. at the start of the year, I moved out into my own apartment. together with the boy, we adjusted to our new lifestyle and life over a few months. it was difficult at the beginning of it. like, really fucking difficult.

I struggled with my goals and plans. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I just knew that I needed a change. for almost twelve months, I looked for a job, an opportunity that would allow me to do exactly what I wanted. I interviewed with a bunch of restaurants and bars in hong kong to improve their marketing and advertising strategies. nothing inspired me enough. I began freelance writing when I had a spare moment. that made me happy, but it wasn’t enough. after five months of searching, I couldn’t find a company with such a corporate culture that would make me want to be there.

with this, I entered a phase of absolute frustration with everything. and I would always blame the city for it. I would blame hong kong for all of my problems. which was very unproductive, prolonging the entire cycle of never-ending irritation and dissatisfaction.

then one morning, on the train ride to kowloon bay, I received a mass newsletter from akilah institute. it was a “we are hiring!” email that listed about half a dozen positions for various roles. neither fit me perfectly, but I saw myself working for this organization. akilah institute is a non-profit college in east africa, that provides market-relevant education to young women. I had met the co-founder more than a year and a half ago and since then I’d been following them closely. numberless of times I had wanted to send a networking email, but I never did. something always felt off.

until that morning.

so I sent a Facebook message to the co-founder; with a causal inquiry. which then ended with a job proposition, an interview, a second interview, a trial period of two months and finally, a full-time job offer, which I commenced at the end of last month. I am still based in hong kong, but the international doors wide-opened the way they were not before.

I am doing something that I’d been wanting to do for the longest time. I cannot tell you how good that feels. if any of this is any indication, twenty-fourteen kicked ass. I will try to be in touch more often.

life, lately

20140902 - life lately

new morning routines. cafe o. universal trade centre. 9-6. but I am finally doing what I’ve been wanting to do. / sunny soho, one afternoon. I wandered out for lunch and ended up snacking on nuts and taking photos for 45 minutes instead of a proper lunch. / an older photo from last month; the last of summer. / late afternoon views. definitely not the thousands hills, but it’ll do for now.

september resolutions

to stop being misleading. to be honest. there is no such thing as being more honest. to be in touch often. it has been therapeutic having the long conversations, correspondences. going through our life events; the tragedy as well as the comedy of what we go through. we had gone through at some point.

and then there is the only other person that calls me pistachio. every time it feels like a blast in the past, when I just think of the time that has passed since I received his first random message. it was another of the many I used to receive from strangers, but I clicked reply.

conversations had evolved. revolutionized. some fantasy, some reality. the beautiful of it and the ugly of it. there were no borders and the sky was the limit. and recently, Hawaii has come up as an idea. a new escape plan. I’ve been holding onto it.

hello, september.