dear ____,

I wouldn’t want you to think that I have forgotten about you, although, that’s how I feel right now. my last three or four messages that I sent to you, were left ignored. I am sure you meant to reply to all of them, but you’ve simply forgotten and then too much time passed. trust me, I know what that’s like. so I am not mad or anything like that. just a little quiet. I hope I still mean something to you.

how’s life? I imagine you asking me. because you always do. we talk to each other so rarely that there is no other way than to start our conversation with that question. I am not sure what I would say. last year left me vulnerable. I thought that I would be going through certain stages of rebuilding myself, but none of that happened. instead of focusing on myself, on trying to put everything back into its place, I simply ignored everything. it will be fine. everything is okay. and then once in a while, I would fall apart. sometimes people would know, sometimes they wouldn’t.

it kind of hurts me to think that you have no idea. considering you are my best friend. my oldest friend. it hurts a little, the realization, that we aren’t as close as we used to be. I keep hoping that it’s just a phase. a phase in our lives and one day we will find each other again. I don’t think about what if anymore. I have a person next to me now and I am completely content with him. happy. I don’t want anything or anyone else. I just wish I could share all of that with you, without feeling strange about it.

is it possible for the first love to ever fade away?

signed oscar wilde.

February 9, 2013