12:16am. christmas day. almost.

lately i’ve been lost in thought. too lost in thought. so lost in thought i’ve lost the desire to write online. the past week has been sort of fruitless. i got my school certificate results in – it is not as bad as i thought it would be, i am happy.

i’ve had at least three coffees with three different friends. it was fun. but (again) it made me realize i’ve got nothing to say to these people. nor do they have to say anything to me. loose ends.

i’m closer to people who are thousands of kilometers away. but that doesn’t mean it hurts less. it doesn’t.

i’ve been listening to placebo, pj harvey and patti smith. the old p combination. i’m not sure what it means but it’s making me feel uneasy. christmas time has a weird effect to me. i wish it would just go away.

i am not able to finish the master and margarita. definitely not my cup of coffee.

speaking of coffee — i am up to four cups per day. espresso double shots.

speaking of which — i am sleeping poorly.

which results in me drinking even more coffee and sleeping even less. and so on.

i’m in the middle of the painful process of university application — right now rather in stage where to go?

and so on.

as i said i’ve got nothing to say.