no one forgets what happens. the secret is to learn to live with it.
so I am learning. slowly. mornings are colder now; I heated up chicken soup from a box for breakfast. it was the perfect start of the day. I forgot the finish my cup of coffee and just barely after lunch time I am beginning to feel the effects from the lacking caffeine. but it’s okay. last night after many, many months I sat with the oldest high school friend on the ifc rooftop and laughed. it was good to know that not everything has changed. lately I’ve been needing the reassurance. I spent three evenings in a row with the boy on his sofa, hiding from the world in a comfortable slumber. life has fallen into a certain monotony, but it’s the kind that suits me. early mornings, late nights. friends, strangers, actual and typed conversations. a few drinks with the guitarist last night felt like the old times. after he left, a bunch of football players invited me to sit with them for a drink. I knew some of them from before. it was refreshing. I realized sometimes I missed the times when I used to go out by myself. there’s obviously more downsides to it than upsides, but last night it was okay. it was also the first night in many weeks that I went home entirely alone.
not everything is the way I would like, but I am slowly getting there.
November 12, 2012