I sat with my friends at full cup in mong kok last night; drinking sweet chinese tea from little espresso cups. because they didn’t sell any liquor; apart from beer that I don’t like. I was expecting a text message or two but none came. we walked around the dark side, three of us, a couple of meters apart. it was a cold night. I turned around on the last corner and went home. they understood. ten, eleven, midnight. I passed out around one o’clock in the morning but I kept waking up throughout the night. strange dreams; sebastian replied to my letter but it wasn’t exactly a response. he just sent a little heart. I smiled before I passed out again. wet dreams. I kept waking up. over and over. at two, at three, at four, at five. I finally got up at six twelve am, afraid I wouldn’t be able to rise if I fell asleep one more time before my alarm clock actually went off. tranquilized state of mind. I heated a can of soup, made a strong cup of black coffee. reading through one liners of crazy people who could be my friends in real life. something is missing, definitely. someone. hazelnut boy will never be able to fill the emptiness of my sleepless nights. we are both shutting each other off but for different reasons. this year I am determined to go in another direction. time passes by and I cannot step into the same river twice. the grey office is killing me.
January 3, 2012