last day of freedom has passed by quietly. relatively no drama. nothing new, either. I’ve been catching up on my work and I am happy to say that I will be able to finish what I have planned to finish before I go back to classes. it’s a good feeling to start a little bit ahead. I’ve worked out my schedules, the daily ones, weekly ones. I don’t want to think about the months yet. small steps first. looking into the future makes it arrive faster, it seems. but there’s a long way to go, too.
I realized today that the reason why everything seems to be so quiet, peaceful, and with relatively no drama, is because my anger is gone. and it has been gone for some time now. except now I am lacking an emotion with the same strength. I am feeling calm most of the time, pulled in my own little world, not excited, but not passive either. just somewhere in the middle. I feel like I am being split down the middle. but this calmness and nothingness of stereotypical days is even more tiring than being angry every single minute of the day. because at least I felt like it had a purpose. (it might have been an illusion, though.) but then I realize I should probably focus that energy, that same energy used to waste on being frustrated, on things, which would have a meaning.