this is my fifth october in hong kong. it could be the last one, but I doubt it. I am not sure whether I am ready to leave this city yet. actually, I’m quite certain. on the other hand, I’m constantly feeling this need to get the fuck out of here. at least for a little while. because that’s all I need. just a little while, maybe a few weeks, a month. it’s not escapism. just a need for a change. refreshment. I wonder when I am going to stop writing about wanting to leave. it’s getting boring. do something. and so – fifth october. I never though I’d be here so long. tonight I sat on our new balcony, I sat there on the floor with a cup of coffee, listening to the buzzing city below me. I listened to no music, it was just me and my thoughts and emails from the other side of the city because we miss each other too much. at times, it’s frustrating but sometimes it gives me a reason to keep going. to keep on keeping on.

the term break is definitely over, I went back to classes today, even though it’s saturday. I’m currently attending a two-day business management workshop and loving every minute of it. I haven’t felt this motivated since last year when I first started the course. I need to watch wall street money never sleeps again. seeing the way the world works and how fucked up everything is; it makes me feel alive. it’s strange. but it makes me feel alive because every time there’s a hunger, craving and desperation rising to the top from the deepest parts of my body. it’s like that moment when you first wake up in the morning, that first second when you don’t even know you’re awake but you are. it’s almost like that. it’s vague and most of the time I am not even aware of it, but the hunger is always there. it’s always there. but least now I am not afraid to let it out and explore it. and I did learn one thing: don’t miss the moonwalking bear.

October 9, 2010