I felt the blackberry vibrate throughout the night knowing all the messages were from you. but I did not bother to check. I left it for the morning. the morning came; too soon, too early. the alarm clock rang at 6:30 precisely; adele’s make you feel my love. I kept pushing the snooze button. an hour later I forced myself to get up, I was already behind. I forgot my wallet, then I couldn’t find my keys and the line at starbucks near my office was too long. today is one of those mornings that were made for sleeping in. cuddling with you. mugs of milk and cookies. a meg ryan film on the screen. back to reality; grey office, emails, phone calls, packages arriving, lunch time. I still haven’t opened your messages, I can feel their weight. I can picture your disappointed face. the way your eyebrows grow together. sometimes when I am standing in front of you in the middle of the red district, you have that same expression on your face. I stare at your eyes and I wonder why do we stay together when obviously neither one of us is satisfied. maybe it gets worse before it gets better. I don’t know if I want to do the work. is that selfish? perhaps.
January 4, 2012