I cannot stop. I cannot stop thinking and reflecting. I am seldom in the present. instead I am constantly floating in the past, going back in time, comparing, analyzing. at this moment the migraine from which I have been suffering for the past two days is at its peak. my head is spinning, I have to be careful not to move too suddenly or too fast, standing up is a process. my cheeks, my teeth, my entire face is hurting. I’ve turned down the lights; sounds; everything is still and dark. I should try to fall asleep as that would slow everything down, relieve the pain a little. but even when I am asleep, I feel it.
but no. I’m siting here, watching the academy awards for the second time, writing. I have come up with a few short film ideas and a couple of photography projects for the next few months. I am writing it all down I’m afraid I would forget everything. it happens. because every day, as I walk around the city, I keep noticing things around me and thinking, I wish I had a camera right now but when I try to return to them, I am not able to see it anymore. I am feeling miserable; I am inspired. is that what it takes? you need to be miserable in order to be creative? sometimes I think I’d rather have an eight-to-five job and nothing to think about, instead of carrying around this endless burden of thoughts and ideas.
I wish everything was simpler, I wish I was simpler. maybe then we would be able to find a way how to communicate instead of pretending we don’t know each other.
and tomorrow is already march.
February 28, 2011