the awakening. well before sunrise the sky was covered in nightly indigo blue. street lamps offered the only consolation to the lowest form of life still out on the streets. it made me think of all those nights I stayed out with you until the darkness disappeared and our drunken hazes faded. the city hides its emotions like a poker player; just like you. sometimes I loathe my city, sometimes I am grateful. I learned the game back when I was too young and too naïve, wearing my heart on sleeve and thinking love was real. I tripped and I fell. many times and repeatedly. how many days has it been since we turned the other way and never looked back? it feels as if entire months have passed by, not only three days.
I am trying. I am keeping busy. leaving and returning home in dark. day after day. this week has gone on without me. I am missing out on the literature, films and arts; I simply don’t have the time or the energy at the end of the day. it is only easier to spend the night out consuming alcohol and not really listening to what people around me are saying. everyone is pretending, everyone is playing the poker game of this city. and I am exhausted. I need simplicity.
4:15 pm and in a few minutes it will be dark again.
post scriptum: this is the 666th post.
January 7, 2012