— a disorder characterized by uncontrollable bouts of sleepiness during the daytime, occasional loss of muscle power and paralysis, and hallucinations during sleep
Fire surrounded me in my life as if were my friend, as if it were something I trusted and believed in. Every time I had seen a fire I knew something would change. We had always trusted each other. I trusted you because you knew how to take care of certain things. We have never gotten into a fight we have never been rude at each other. I thought we would stay the same.
I lay down on your bed, waiting for you to come home, to your home. You didn’t know I would be there. I waited hours and hours before I finally heard the glass door open. I thought you would be mad at me for coming without calling first, but I took the chance anyway. He came into your room, your hair wet from the rain, and you saw me. You saw me lay in your bed, with your teddy bears around my shoulders, reading one of your sister’s children books. Pippi Longstocking had always been my favorite. I looked up from the book; I casually put it on my chest, as if it were mine. As if the bed were mine. I waited for your reaction. I expected to see the anger and surprise. But neither came.
You looked at me but only for a short moment. You looked around your room, bare walls, which used to be decorated with posters of various soccer players. Those bare walls represented the change, which had occurred in your life. Your bed and me laying on it represented what had always stayed constant in your life. You took off your clothes and climbed into the bed next to me. And as you did so I saw there was a smile on your face. It was an undefined smile of unspoken promises. You were glad I was there, but you weren’t sure what to think. You shivered with cold. Your lips were dark almost blue. I put my arms around you hugged you to make you feel warmer.
After an hour, your lips were healthy pink again. You fell asleep in my arms. But I couldn’t sleep that night. I saw shadows and heard voices, which weren’t there. Twice I woke up with a start. But I did not wake you. I suffered in silence only not to remember anything in the morning.
January 30, 2009