I lived through the day in agony. but it could have been worse. and then the night came again. it is almost as if I wait for the darkness to come so I can disappear in the labyrinth of hong kong streets. I spotted his cookie monster t-shirt even before I saw his entire silhouette. and then the smile and little stars in his eyes. neon lights of mong kok reflected on the wet sidewalk. it has been raining quietly the past few days, leaving the sky grey and depressing. we cuddled up on the tiny sofa together, our heads pressed against each other. tupac’s live show from the early nineties. dear mama on repeat. he kept opening one can of heineken after another; I wasn’t drinking. sleepiness took over my mind and I wasn’t thinking about anything. for once. we flipped through his uncle’s wedding album. I laughed to myself at the ridicule of the photographs but he seemed to inspect every single one. I seriously wished he would stop with these subtle signals of his future planning mindset. you’re scared to be in love. we laughed on the way home. things have changed between us since the other night. I guess it really does get worse before it gets better. all is well.
January 13, 2012