back to square one

white walls and endless cups of coffee. undecided future, the unwillingness to do anything but sleep. but of course, only during the day. at night I am awake. I am more awake more than ever.

I wrote a long email to a friend in england; the one that studies psychology, in hopes that she will understand and she will tell me something that would make me see the other side. because right now I don’t see anything. just the whiteness of the outside and the pollution of this city, which has started to frustrate me on a daily basis. sometimes I don’t even know why I am still here. oh, wait.

my younger friends returned back to school yesterday. I almost miss it. I used to hate it so much but now I’m so desperate I don’t even know what it is that I had invented for myself a few months ago. somehow that idealistic life has disappeared and creatively, I’m below the freezing point.

numb. stuck. impossibly stuck.

January 25, 2011