so this is where i state the obvious. one two three. this is the third one. i’ve been keeping up with the tradition although i don’t think i understand its meaning anymore. it’s just become something i do. i’ve become the person of meaningless empty repetitive phrases. and no i don’t believe in commas.
reading on the road by kerouac made me wish i was on a road myself. with a certain person. images of him holding the wheel driving away from the capital checking me at the back seat keep popping up in my head. these days are those when i realize how much i actually miss him. sometimes i think it’s just a habit to think about him but it’s not. it’s real. very very real.
but the thing i am too far away from everything. i am living differently than him we are very difference from each other yet the same. i miss that feeling because it seems there aren’t many people with whom i am able to share a similar connection. or any kind of connection at all. until recently. another twin. i’ve always had a thing for twins. we share some classes together he makes me laugh. it’s been a while since somebody made laugh the way he does. but it has no future because i hold no real interest. although i am not going to stand too far away. i am too good at playing this game. a game, which involves me leaving at the end. no hard feelings. but i am not sure about it. there are other people in my life. people that i care about. maybe little too much. but i am the one that wears their heart on sleeve, not them. i am standing on my own. i am my own everything. we can play the game, it’s alright.
but i won’t let april repeat itself. you may think it needs an explanation, but it really doesn’t.
September 11, 2009