I managed to write for forty three days straight. and then the words disappeared. together with me. I imagine something similar has already happened last year, therefore, no one should be surprised at my inability to keep up. I know I am not surprised. I stretched myself out as a writer, hoping to accomplish something I didn’t even believe in to begin with. I needed a reminded of what simplicity is. I am lacking simplicity in life. it’s one of those endless questions in my writing: what is it that I wish to do with my life? the soundtrack of reign over me has put me in a strange state of mind. quiet but restless. words are floating around inside my head and I cannot put them down. they are like summer flies and there’s too many of them.
six days of nothingness; weary morning routines. I did not leave the apartment once. the current weather in hong kong seems to agree with me. I am trying to trace back events of the past two weeks. I’ve seen very little of hazelnut boy. h came to visit me with a pint of ice cream and buffy the vampire slayer on dvd. there was valentine’s day, which for me meant a twenty four working shift with my father and the rest of the crew. we celebrated with a few drinks together. I spent the night with the boy. there was a birthday dinner a few days before that. the organic place. then something. dinner with prince edward boy but only I was eating. we smoked from the water pipe, clouds of smoke rising above us. the music reminded me of my bus rides across bosnia. peel st. a bunch of people were there but I cannot recall the faces. then I went back a few days later. makumba, and the australian lady. again. we did the whole circle. one of the first nights he waited for me at the park behind X. but that was before all of this. pieces have blended into one and I cannot tell, which night was which. what happened when and who was there. I remember seeing a glimpse of the boy who walks around town with fliers promoting bars. half italian, or something. and the guy with dreadlocks from a few weeks back; the musicians on the corner. everything has blurred into nothing.
simplicity, silence, solitude. I am on a quest to unravel my life. eliminate everything that annoys me. I am trying to learn something new every day. read, write, educate myself. I don’t pick my phone and I take hours to reply to messages. not to mention emails. I needed to slow down a little. ignore the outside world for a bit, so I can focus on things of importance.
February 25, 2012