floating through days

two hundred.

last night; sleep never came. I stayed awake with my eyes wide open but weary and tired until almost four o’clock in the morning. then the rain. heavy, loud. drops pounding on my large windows; I kept hoping a thunderstorm would come, too. and it did. incredibly white and noisy. lightning every few minutes followed by roaring of the sky. only then I managed to fall into deep, tranquilized sleep. I dreamt of nothing and woke up mere three hours later. everything remained still; clouds reminded me of those rorschach inkblot tests.

gray, rainy mornings make it easy to blend in with the rest of the world. I slept in; made myself a particularly large cup of coffee. the story of psychology keeps me company as I slowly get ready for the new day. I prefer heavier books now; with many unknown words and terminologies. books that require my full attention and further research. my only friends being freud and kant.

not being around people means I don’t have to pretend that I am okay.

July 18, 2012