i’m not sure what i should write right now. it feels so distant. the only thing, which is constant is the happiness. relative happiness. it goes with me wherever i move. it doesn’t stay behind, it keeps walking right above as if it’s trying to protect me from something. from going back where i was before. but i don’t know where it is. it seems to be so far away yet so familiar. happiness is hard to capture, hard to explain. hard to put down on paper. i don’t know what to do with it but smile. smile smile smile everywhere i go. maybe that’s the beauty of it. i used to aware of wrong things. in a cafÃ© or sometimes..
the past few days (it actually all began on saturday two weeks ago) have been refreshing. i can’t think of a different word because it just doesn’t fit. i’ve been having trouble with words lately anyway. i just don’t know how to put some things on paper because they feel so personal but they are not. it’s a strange delusion of being special to someone. that’s how i feel. special to someone even though i have no logical or realistic reason to feel like that. the feeling is there it doesn’t want to go away. i wake up feeling special, i go to sleep feeling special. where are you coming from? does it have to have a source? maybe it’s just music, maybe it’s just all the gin tonics i’ve had. maybe it’s nothing. Heaven help the girl who walks the street alone..
i don’t know. i’m not sure what to say. i’m going home tomorrow. invitations for coffee will be greatly appreciated. (but possibly refused or postponed)
thank you, stevie wonder.
September 24, 2008