the boy. some time in october. we ate chicken with our hands and looked up at non-existent stars on the sky.
he didn’t tell me he was coming to pick me up, he just showed up. come, I am downstairs. we bought each other a pair of identical rings and tiny mickey mouse earrings. but I refuse to have my ears pierced. monday didn’t seem like a monday. it was a beautiful day. the weather was clear and sunny. I took trains from one side to the other, getting things done. when the sun began to set down; casting gold glow over city, I returned home. a book, a mug of milk and chocolate. my evenings are becoming simpler and quieter. over the weekend I slept more than thirty hours in total and I was reminded of what it’s like to feel rested. the nice feeling of it. when you can wake up in the middle of the night, thinking it’s time for a new day. but it’s not and you return to the warm layers of blankets and pillows, falling away into sweet slumber.
later in the night, we sat on the stairs below the museum, bustling harbor in front of us. a group of break dancers were having a practice. they were out of sync and it made him nostalgic. as it turns out, he used to dance himself. it wasn’t hard to imagine as much as it was a reminder of how many things I am yet to discover.
we always go back to the night we first met, all the odds against us and everything we will have to do. rarely, we make plans but the thinking about the future is there. quiet, between the lines, it’s there somewhere. the other night, I read through the last three months’ worth of daily writings, which are directed to him. ups and downs, endless nights and blinding sunbeam of days. we have established a number of small rituals, without which I cannot really imagine my life anymore. not because they are somehow meaningful, but because they aren’t.
remembering everything is a good thing, but it also means you will never forget anything. not having to be the sole historian of this relationship makes me relax in a way. knowing that I won’t have to do it all by myself, knowing that he’s there somewhere.
it’s a nice feeling. it makes everything else easier.
November 20, 2012