there are hundreds of places I would rather be at right now. hundreds of them. I’ve been meaning to write here a a little more since april. I have about seventy unfinished drafts here. april, may, june, july, august. five months of relative silence. I’ve hardly said anything. I came back from vietnam and after that I had nothing to say anymore. my life turned into life of a hamster. running on that little wheel but not moving. every day exactly the same. then came europe and I’ve been meaning to write about it ever since I came back but couldn’t find the words. and still can’t. but now it’s been to long to bother in the first place. I am right where I left off last time. examinations are coming up again. I am still fearing chinese but not as much anymore. I’ve been taking extra classes I learned to love the language, the culture, the little things, which went unnoticed before. I’ve been meaning to write here for so long, words just seem to be pouring of me now. and it’s good because it’s first september morning.
I’m incredibly glad august is over. the two of us, we don’t really get along well. this year it’s been about migraines, migraines and more migraines. some abdominal pain at the beginning. I can feel my body easing up a little. nothing has changed in reality, it is just a different month, a different number in a numberless line. but I am beginning to feel better. I can’t explain it.
it’s morning. just as usual. six thirty. I’ll be getting ready for school soon. I’ll be finished in three weeks, then holidays. hopefully I will be on my way somewhere. a lot of new things have happened since the last time I might have mentioned something here. I have so much to write about, so much to share. I can’t even remember now, why was it that I didn’t have time to write here? every morning would have been just perfect. maybe I was just waiting for this morning. I am not sure.
I’ve made new friends in the past few weeks, I haven’t abandoned any of the old ones, although I am not in touch with certain people as much as I would like to be. I will be changing that pretty soon. I’ve also decided to let some people more into my life by letting them read things, by writing more, by giving them links and places to go. at first it felt like getting naked in front of strangers, but now it just feels nice having someone to share little things with. I’ve finally realized that by letting people know some of your thoughts doesn’t really mean selling your soul. I am still not used to it. I was hidden for too long, the lights are bright. but you can read this, go on. yeah, there you go. how does it feel?
I am planning on writing regularly again. I’ve missed this place. I’ve missed the morning routine of a cup of coffee, cereals, music and this little place, here. maybe I could back into it, it’s my favorite month after all.
September 1, 2009