i could (never) belong to you

singapore/hong kong 2008.

memories. I’ve forgotten about these photographs. both taken in 2008. the first from singapore, which may be my favorite family trip we have been on. and then the second, in hong kong at the star ferry. I remember the day. I was hungover from the night before, probably with the band. I went out for a walk with a camera, trying to notice things that I haven’t before. I’m not sure to what extent I knew what I was doing. and I was a big fan of the enhanced contrast. but the first photo – I’m sure one day it will end up framed on a wall in my first apartment. it is my single favorite photograph.

tonight I went out for a long walk. from my building in yau ma tei, past my cinema; I stopped at the bookstore, checked out film posters. there’s always new ones that I would like to have. they also have the criterion collection edition of Bande à part. it is next on my wishlist. I walked to the centre of tsim sha tsui; through hart avenue passing by my bars; some people called my name but I never turned back. I am trying hard to stop myself from turning back. recently I’ve found myself too lost, too distant from the world. I have rediscovered the beauty of solitude. I haven’t forgotten how to spend time alone. I feel I become more mature by spending time alone. right now I don’t need people. I don’t need anyone.

I went to his starbucks, the one in the middle of the avenue. I sat on the roof with an english breakfast tea latte, reading my book. absolute solitude. every time I read the history of love, I forget the world around me. I become a part of the story, swallowed and taken in like in the chamber of secrets. the only thing I noticed was the fresh smell of sea coming from the harbor. I walked to the end; taking pictures of things and people in my mind. vietnamese for dinner; stories from poland. I thought it was a great coincidence, parallel to the novel I was reading just minutes before. and currently I am indulged in a glass of rich merlot; listening to the kings of convenience.

everything is biutiful and nothing hurts.