spending the first days of october with study notes, textbooks, endless cups of coffee and university applications. the fall is slowly interrupting the heat of the past few months, which makes me pack up my books and pens and spend an entire afternoon sitting in my favorite starbucks, reading. I’m currently partially without internet connection, which makes my life a little bit harder but also less mundane and routine.
despite the lack of connection, lots of emails have been sent these days and thanks to the wall street money never sleeps my dreams of new york city are back on my mind. there’s a whole month left until my finals, I’m silently freaking out, filling out forms, trying to figure out where and what I’m going to be doing next year. I feel like my head is being ripped into thousands of pieces and this week hasn’t been easy for the family. hopefully things will turn to better next week.
I’ve hardly thought about the october tradition, but I did write a few letters and sentimental notes about the past. somehow I’m too scared and too comfortable to leave the safety of feelings that aren’t even mine anymore. it’s hard to explain it but on the other hand, I think I need to go through this. slowly and on my own. one day I will stand outside this emotional cage and I will laugh. or maybe I won’t laugh, but I will smile and think of my own stupidity and immaturity. but that moment isn’t here yet. I need more time. so much more.
and the english translation doesn’t sound as good as the original one. but I did not want a czech title. eventually I will stop translating all together.
October 2, 2010