july 16


apple fruit truffles from edible arrangements / the lobby of my apartment building / morning coffee in the new york city mug; I keep thinking of going back every day / summer rains and thunders

one year.

summer is going by in a brainwashing monotony. all my days are exactly the same work, dinner, drinks, watching a couple of mindless television and disturbed sleep until almost noon. repeat. it rains a lot. the skies are grey and I am bored of the view. I don’t even know what to write anymore, because there’s nothing to write. nothing new, anyway. the boy hit a rough patch now, and I am trying so hard to be there for him, but he’s just bringing me down with him. and he knows that. we both know it. I could just turn around and walk away and pretend like nothing ever happened, but the void that would be left inside me after that; there is nothing I could fill with ever again. I am afraid of the emptiness. of the darkness that once used to be my friend. my constant companion, each day and all the time. but anymore and I don’t want to go back there. I am exhausted of the status quo but it’s better than nothing. I need a break from the city. even if it breaks us. everything is so difficult at the moment, but it doesn’t have to be.

I wish everything was just simple. it shouldn’t be this hard.

July 16, 2013