sleep has been difficult lately. throughout a single night, I usually wake up seven or eight times. I stare into nothingness before me. the light is different each time. and every time I wake up to dark blue behind the drapes, my heart sinks. one more day till you have to fake it again. almost every night is like that. I feel better when we are next to each other. the soft, quiet breathing of another person next to me. we’ve come too far to quit now. summer is well underway, but I cannot say I am exactly enjoying myself. I remember when summers meant two or three months of doing absolutely nothing. it seems absurd that it used to be like that. I would give anything to be able to go away from everything and everyone. at least, for some time.
my mind is too full today.
July 8, 2013