mindful mondays, nine


sources: one, two

hey boy. this one is for you, again.

I cannot give up on him and I will not. it was simple and the only thought I had when I left the house last night to meet up with you. yesterday was a terrible day, and I didn’t write anything. I wasn’t productive in any way. the whole world sat on my shoulders, pressing me down. the idea that we might lose each other because.. because why, really? I am not sure. but what I do know is that we’ve come too far to give up now. I missed you. even one day of separation is enough to make my whole life unstable. of course, I can still go on and continue. but not really. I start to resemble a zombie at some point.

I missed hearing your voice. I missed seeing your name on my phone and I missed knowing that I will see you in a couple of hours. I missed knowing where you are and that you are okay. I wanted to ask you about your day but I wasn’t sure whether I should. I am terribly, horribly sorry about what happened and I wish I just could take it all back. because instead of being the best I can be, I became the worst. but we are past that now.

I am a much happier person today because we talked last night and because we talked the way we did. and we laughed. oh, man, we laughed. I love to see you laugh and I love knowing that I can make you laugh. those little sparks and stars in your eyes. I painted my nails bright red today and I am wearing the I love french boys t-shirt. that’s how happy I am.

I always want to be happy like this. I always want us to be okay. because then everything else is okay, too.

May 28, 2013