seasonal changes; it is cold now. we sit in a cafe outside, sipping wintery beverages. hot chocolate for him, coffee with nutmeg for me. we look at each other, sensing the time pass. it moves around us in swirls of air, circling around our heads and then slowly dissolving. disappearing. another minute gone. but we sit for hours. sometimes, we laugh; sometimes, we are in a serious discussion. but it’s always something. the days pass, and soon I won’t even be here anymore. I am trying to focus, but no. it’s not happening. life isn’t happening the way I would like. contentment is missing. every day is bleaker than the one before. a couple of years from now, when someone asks me, this is the period of my life I won’t remember anything about.
I question everything, but have no answers.
November 18, 2013