I did, didn’t it? any chance I get I take a quick trip to the outlines of hong kong. visit the beach, soak in the smells and sounds, feel the sand between my toes. but recently it has been missing from my life so much, I can barely remember what it feels like. I am tired of missing things, of writing about not writing. I am exhausted from holding onto the phone and waiting for endless weeks before any words appear on the screen, when the thing I truly I want to do is to get on a plane and be there. be where I am supposed to be. it was such a cruel thing to say to me, but I took it. because somehow it was okay. somehow it was better than straight, plain rejection. I am fed up with settling for less.
but: I cut my hair almost in half. all of it gone, my head seems lighter and easier to carry around. not to mention the wavy strands look healthier now. it takes so little to make one feel better. I received good news from my solution to getting out of here at about two in the morning, which is when I decided to put the publish button on hold for another twelve hours. there was lots to process. I realized (again) that he still means something to me; because whenever something happens, good or bad, he’s the first one I want to tell. but, of course, it isn’t as simple as that.
of course, it isn’t. but it’s monday and the world keeps spinning around whether you like it or not.
October 8, 2013