new level of ambivalence

monday. today he decided to start talking to me again. he hasn’t said a word to me for more than a month. sometimes not even a hello, or a nod, when we passed each other in one of the corridors. he never had any reason to be embarrassed and I wish I told him long ago. but I still haven’t. I am glad we’re not ignoring each other anymore. it was tiring not to be able to talk to him. and I really hated the barrier. I am not getting any sleep. I am drinking too much coffee. there’s always laughter in the afternoon. there’s always something. I’ve been thinking too much about everything. I’ve forgotten what it is like to just go with the flow. these days are filled with stereotype. endless essays and pointless analysis. conclusions about something that doesn’t even have an introduction. I always fake it and then cannot remember what it is that I meant. but it doesn’t bother me. nothing bothers me anymore.

February 8, 2010