now

March 4, 2016 | (Unfinished) ThoughtsWords
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When the desire to sleep is greater than the desire to write–to say something–that’s writer’s block. Perhaps it is that the act of writing or thinking or forming words is the very thing that overwhelms and exhausts. Sometimes it’s just harder. Sometimes it just costs more. | Meg Fee

Number one reason that prevents me from hitting publish & send is the fear of rejection. The need for perfection in every single word that I put down. But it’s impossible. Words are not meant to be perfect and faultless; they are meant to be true. Authentic. I have been obsessing with the wrong things for such a long time. It was never about me being perfect or ideal; it was about me being enough at that moment and no other.

But I couldn’t see that. I couldn’t see that through my rock-bottom self-esteem and self-pity. I felt like such a failure back then, only a kid with no accomplishments and not much to give in return.

I had so much to give. My beating heart, the love that was already growing from the inside. It could have been something more. My whole life could have been something more and about something else. Someone else. There was so much I had to give away, and love was at the top of the list. If not the whole list.

So what does it matter? That my words aren’t always perfect, and that I don’t always think of the right thing to say and that I don’t always say the right thing. I am not supposed to. It isn’t about the right words, it’s about the right time.

And the time to do the right thing is always, and always now.