one and only

wanderlust. it only took a few messages from filmmaker and encouraging words from my mother and it’s back. I keep thinking of last year’s trip to europe and how this time it would be more about the other side. south east asia is covered in pollution and grayness. it is tiring. slow, lazy weekend. watching television shows back to back and cooking instant korean noodles. the boy would scoff if he knew, but he’s only mocking me. the british boy is back in town, which is a little funny because I never thought I’d see him back down here. I tried to look him up on these pages but I never wrote about him. last time we saw each other was during those hot august nights back in prague. some things I would change, but for others I am glad.

friday night; filmmaker came over for dinner after eight months. my signature pasta pomodoro. bottles of wine and adele’s one and only on crappy speakers. it almost felt as if the time stopped for a little bit. we took the train downtown, peel street. our regular drinking hole but things have been changing around that area. last summer was completely different but at least we have claire now. places down the hill were either too crowded or too loud and long ice tea just knocked me out. the boy waited for me as always but this time a little suspicious. where did you go? with filmmaker, you know. I am here now. then the pathos, the same old song, always. I got him down on my side shortly after four. we stood at the bottom of the hill, a couple of a musicians playing acoustic guitar. I thought it was a strange that a street corner can be so alive at four in the morning, yet go entirely unnoticed twelve hours later. our hips joined together, I let him lead. oasis’ wonderwall but it was alright by me.

the bus ride back home made me feel all kinds of things. it is strange how everything worked out in the end. instead of being heartbroken, I am less scared now to follow my heart. the light changed above us, but we hardly noticed. that short moment when you both stop and smile. I am not yet aware of how much I should be grateful but it is slowly coming to me. and it was only a year ago.

August 6, 2012