it has been raining the whole week. the whole month. the sky is constantly blanketed in a mixture of grey and dark green. or so it seems. grey color changes when repeatedly reflected off buildings glass and tinted windows. it has been raining. I am alone in hong kong for the second time this month. it irritates me. everything irritates me, because I hate this routine. nothing seems to be giving me energy, everything just seems to be taking it away. I have been living like this for such a long time now, I don’t even know anything else. I feel physically sick. I had to have an episode of sinus infection and cluster headache, so I would finally calm down. sleep, dream about nothing. we have been back in touch for almost a month now, after a full year of separation. he has never left my thoughts, but I learnt how to push them away. sometimes I hate myself for the choices I made in the past. I don’t regret them, but I hate myself for it. it’s not exactly the same. it’s even worse. I haven’t had peace of mind since then.
July 26, 2013