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September 1, 2015 | (Unfinished) ThoughtsPrague

Mama Coffee. Žižkov. This is my hood now.

I order a double espresso with milk everywhere I go, in an attempt to recreate velika sa mlijekom. Close enough. I spent three months in Croatia, and now I am back in Prague. At least for a while. I expect that now the words will come in long-forms and frequently. The last summer days. Early morning. Prague is impossibly beautiful, historically preserved in the streets but refreshed, different. I spend my days walking around, exploring the city as if it is my first time living here. In a way it is. Nothing is the same as it once was. The city, the people, even the culture has changed here, and I am glad.

It is Tuesday. September 1. My favorite day. I moved back to Prague on Thursday but it feels as though I’d been here for two weeks, or a month, or a year. Time moves across different plains here. I am settled in, but not permanently. Tomorrow is the big day and I am anxious. I am anxious to move forward, to get started. To return to work, to begin accumulating experiences and knowledge, to travel, to live. It is strange being alone through this stage of my life but at the same time there is no other way it could be. Ten years had passed since we left Europe, and I am back now. My mind quietened down. Inner peace began to take roots the second I made a decision not to return to Asia. At the same time, I blew a hole through my heart.

September. The beginning of my year. It is a fresh beginning for me. I count the year from fall to fall and everything in between is space for growth and life, fiascos, and life-altering memories. I am trying to think of where I am going from here and I cannot even picture it. My mind gets stuck in the present and refuses to move. Beliefs that were set in stone disappeared. People that I thought I would be in my life until the end of it are gone. The anger and the despair are gone.

I am a free soul.