september days

September 14, 2014 | (Unfinished) ThoughtsHong Kong

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the blue hour: sundown in hong kong. shot in wan chai.

here’s something funny: at the start of the month I attempted to write every single day of september and I lasted exactly two days. with the second day being reduced to a post of images rather than words. no matter what I keep telling myself (convincing myself of), the truth is that I am losing my writing. I am losing it.

every time I am reminded of this, I am filled with dread. disappointment. I am struggling with the 24 hour days. there is never enough time for everything. and prioritizing feels like being pulled through a very narrow channel or tunnel, emerging on the other side, short of breath and in discomfort. that is if one survives such a thing. I am not sure what will happen to me.

I can say that my writing has suffered in twenty-fourteen. but otherwise, this year has been most unexpected and filled with changes. my inability to keep up with my writing now has legitimate reasons: I have been in and out of transitions. at the start of the year, I moved out into my own apartment. together with the boy, we adjusted to our new lifestyle and life over a few months. it was difficult at the beginning of it. like, really fucking difficult.

I struggled with my goals and plans. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I just knew that I needed a change. for almost twelve months, I looked for a job, an opportunity that would allow me to do exactly what I wanted. I interviewed with a bunch of restaurants and bars in hong kong to improve their marketing and advertising strategies. nothing inspired me enough. I began freelance writing when I had a spare moment. that made me happy, but it wasn’t enough. after five months of searching, I couldn’t find a company with such a corporate culture that would make me want to be there.

with this, I entered a phase of absolute frustration with everything. and I would always blame the city for it. I would blame hong kong for all of my problems. which was very unproductive, prolonging the entire cycle of never-ending irritation and dissatisfaction.

then one morning, on the train ride to kowloon bay, I received a mass newsletter from akilah institute. it was a “we are hiring!” email that listed about half a dozen positions for various roles. neither fit me perfectly, but I saw myself working for this organization. akilah institute is a non-profit college in east africa, that provides market-relevant education to young women. I had met the co-founder more than a year and a half ago and since then I’d been following them closely. numberless of times I had wanted to send a networking email, but I never did. something always felt off.

until that morning.

so I sent a Facebook message to the co-founder; with a causal inquiry. which then ended with a job proposition, an interview, a second interview, a trial period of two months and finally, a full-time job offer, which I commenced at the end of last month. I am still based in hong kong, but the international doors wide-opened the way they were not before.

I am doing something that I’d been wanting to do for the longest time. I cannot tell you how good that feels. if any of this is any indication, twenty-fourteen kicked ass. I will try to be in touch more often.