I stayed home for two days, reading the united states’ history of foreign relations. more than a thousand pages. successfully avoiding the impossible weather outside, which makes me cranky and annoyed. killing them softly was disappointing. brad pitt is definitely growing older but kind of like al pacino. all good. we laughed at the start, left silent at the end. there were a few good points. obama’s presence in almost every scene was, perhaps, a bit too much. but it was good for my soul. this ain’t a community, this is america. we walked around kowloon; it was a friday night but neither one of us felt like going out. we sat outside at a new place, one drink. then he took me home. after midnight I made sure to mention that it’s december now. if there are any differences between us, this is one of them. he doesn’t care about the time passing by. december, january, february. it’s all the same to him. he makes time wait for him. he makes everyone wait. for me, this is unimaginable. between the two of us, it’s a healthy balance.

saturday night felt like a failure despite the good time. filmmaker made a point of leaving with a boom and a couple of loud fuck yous. being civil and at least partially honest is kind of a luxury in relationships. and of course, at the end, I was the only one surprised. everyone else just gave me the I told you so look. it didn’t really help. to write about the rest of the night would be inappropriate. when afternoon came, I didn’t really care about negatives anymore. chill fills the air and my clothes but it doesn’t matter because we stay close. our weekly ritual; a meal at yoshinoya. always the same rice with beef, a thick layer of chili flakes. you and me, we’ll always be like this, he said to me as he opened the set of chopsticks for me and handed them over. I looked at him quietly, but said nothing. we clinked our paper cups cheers and continued eating. I didn’t go home that night or that afternoon. when I finally did get home, it was only for a few hours. skyfall was okay. for the first time in my life, I fell asleep in the cinema. guilt-ridden, I asked him what happened. they killed M was his only comment. I miss pierce brosnan as james bond, I really do. days are filled with rain, good books and cinema nights. somehow everything seems to be okay. I am looking forward to the year’s end.

twenty twelve has worn me out.

December 3, 2012