things I left behind

September 19, 2012 | (Unfinished) ThoughtsLists

+ my falling whistle
+ the entire godfather collection including four hours of special features
+ the noble house
+ a book written by george perec, even though it was yours to keep
+ a black jumper (the one that served as a catalyst to it all)
+ a toothbrush (I replaced the one you gave me the first week because it made my gums bleed)
+ a bundle of the size of a pea
+ memories, too many memories that I carry with me everywhere I go
+ a naive notion that perhaps love could evolve from a drunken one night stand

summer days were filled with sleepless nights, glasses of red wine despite the medication labels and what I think were the last bits of hope. but it’s over. he is gone. in a way, I am grateful that I can finally declare that chapter of my life as finished. there is sadness, though. heavy sadness, which weights me down as I realize that despite everything it meant nothing. a fleeting moment in our lives, insignificant as a cough. a misplaced comma. everything continued as if nothing happened, and I think that was the worst part. even now, I am not sure whether the wounds are real or self-inflicted. I wonder whether all of this is just a figment of imagination. just like everything else.

I wonder.