this photograph reminds me of a beach in croatia. i used to stand there every evening, watch the sunset, think of people that i missed in my life. today i am not standing on the beach anymore, the sunsets are very different from the ones i knew back then but my thoughts are still with the same people. i still miss someone. a while ago it looked like i might have finally found that someone. but the someone has slipped away because i wasn’t brave enough. it makes me think: have i ever been brave when i should have been? i’m not sure of the answer even though i have a pretty good idea what it is. i don’t want to say it oud loud.
lonely vs. alone.
i used to think i was alone simply because i liked to shut myself in my room and not speak to anyone for days, months. something has changed and i’m not hiding in my turtoise shell anymore. but i also get cranky when i don’t go out for more than two days, i get cranky when i don’t get to hear my cherie amour at least once a week, i get cranky when i don’t walk the streets of hong kong for more than 24 hours. i replaced my old obsession for a new one. i am occupied with different things than before but with the same passion and strenght. where is the actual difference? isn’t it the same? another answer that doesn’t need to be said out loud.
i’m thinking of writing my own hong kong story. but then, what is this?
November 3, 2008