dear ____,

it’s completely white outside. this month is a strange one. there’s too much work to do, and not enough time. I am not sleeping well. even after 12 hours of sleep I am tired. I am obsessed with the weather. I keep checking the weather reports, hoping something will change. it just affects me too much. I have never been this way before. a friend of mine in DC emailed me this morning, saying they have a 65 cm snow outside their door and cannot even leave the house because there’s not enough space to shove the snow away. and then the power went out. 2012 coming too soon? maybe I am just paranoid. but deep inside I am actually laughing. the world’s fucked up.

and how are we? I don’t know. last year we weren’t so good at keeping in touch with each other, and the way this year is going so far, I am thinking it’s even worse. I think you have sensed a change in my life but I don’t see how that’s a reason for another distance to be created. I get frustrated sometimes at our inability to communicate. people’s general inability to communicate. things annoy me for no reason and I am definitely quick to let it all out. so maybe it’s good we’re not talking. maybe it’s good you have no idea what is going on with me right now. I just wonder whether it ever occurs to you that sometimes I need you at four in the morning. just to talk about nothing and everything. does it ever occur to you? I wish I could ask.

because I don’t want another two years flying by before we see each other. that must never happen again.

signed as oscar wilde.

February 7, 2010