this evening we put on diana krall, opened a fresh bottle of spanish wine, dimmed the lights, sat in our favorite spots around the apartment, and said very little. I love evenings like this. it’s been a long day for me. I had the first meeting with my french tutor. a few days ago I decided to start taking french lessons simply because I watch too many french films and have always wanted to disappear suddenly, leave everything as it is, spend a few nights in paris, and pretend I was born on top of montmartre. then rob a bank with a french boy and hide on one of the islands in the middle of oceania. or something like that. I could write an entire book based just on my fantasies.

I was running late for my chinese lesson, but I was happy. the streets of Soho smelled of lebanese kebabs, burnt chestnuts and sweet potatoes. there was something in the air this afternoon and I couldn’t fully grasp it. I didn’t have time to stop and let the atmosphere swallow me. all I saw were flickering neon lights, anonymous faces of people as I passed them by and dozens of red toyotas, the most frequent car in hong kong. but I know this feeling. I know it very well. it doesn’t come about too often. I came half a step closer to my ideals this afternoon. I am a little bit closer to the person I want to be. we’re almost starring into each other eye’s. I see her and I am almost able to work out the shadow she casts on the sidewalk. a very powerful, overwhelming feeling sat on my shoulders. but it disappeared as soon as I stepped on the escalators of the mass transit. people bumping into me as if I wasn’t there. but I was there. I was in the middle of it all. it was strange, beautiful.

I think another one of my letters I will write to myself. to my future self.

January 15, 2010