tired and uninspired

it’s been a long day. it’s almost midnight but I got home about half an hour ago from my chinese class. I loved walking along hollywood road in darkness and silence. typhoon 8+ is coming, the streets were deserted. typhoon megi. it’s my grandmother’s nickname. I have been listening to molitva za magdalenu in the last few days on repeat. oliver dragojević has been put back on my iPod. I’ve missed his music. mostly the lyrics. every single song is beautiful. every words reminds me of home and the road trips. the dark blue of the sea and the green of the trees. yellow lines on the road. silence, in which only the wind can be heard. to me every line has a meaning. whenever I try to translate into english it just sounds ugly. I’m pretty sure you would understand.

I’ve been eating too much lately. cakes, cookies, double dinners, too much coffee and no breakfast. I miss the time when I was eating twice as much but was eight kilograms less. but it’s all the stress. the upcoming finals, lack of sleep, the changing weather and other things. everything just seems to have piled up. I feel as if I am about to explode; physically and emotionally. I’m trying to work on both but somehow keep getting sidetracked every day. somehow no matter how small the goals are that I set for myself in the morning, half of them aren’t accomplished by the time I go to bed. even things like, today write at least half an hour without being distracted. even things that are important to me. it’s incredibly demotivating. on the other hand, I’m quite on track with my studying schedule. and that’s strange.

everything is so uncertain, I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going.