tuesday

January 26, 2010 | (Unfinished) Thoughts

today was cold. more cold than I would have liked. I’ve moved again the heater it’s back in my room. there was a lot of laughter in the afternoon. a lot of it. honey orange latte seems to be the most frequent indulgence. after school we walk together to the nearest starbucks, measure the speeds of escalators and elevators and laugh because we are going crazy. completely. we laugh so much our bodies hurt. what keeps me sane are friends I have around me. even those that are far away, maybe especially them, but I cannot know for sure because I miss them too much. I am trying to remember what it was like to be truly lonely. because I still know how to be alone.

I walked up to SoHo again, instead of cup of coffee I bought myself a blueberry smoothie. it wasn’t too sweet, just the way I like it. I spent two hours in three different bookstores, but left home with no books. maybe tomorrow. I was planning on watching a film, but I decided not to drink my nightly coffee and so now I am all ready to sleep, even though it’s only a little bit past eleven. I am focusing on my french and chinese lessons. it’s become so important to me. I loved that silence, while I tumbled along the walls of the french library. I spent minutes and minutes looking at the titles, touching them with my fingertips, imagining I understood them. a huge à bout de souffle poster hung on the wall. I wished I was french for the hundredth time. there are certain moments in my days, which make me happier than anything else in the world. but it doesn’t take much.

I missed those four calls, but they made my day.