what are we, really?

it’s a cold morning. we’ve gone down to 17 degrees. I would probably enjoy myself a whole lot more without a sore throat, runny nose and final exams three days away. without the silent phone. but that’s what it is right now. you can’t always get what you want. is it so hard to understand? I have no time for long words and paragraphs but I feel a strong urge to write. I’ve listened to kurt cobain: about a son ten times in the last few days. I know the words by heart, the pauses, every time he flicks a lighter to light up a cigarette I can hear it (well, not always). it’s all there, yet it feels so unreal. listening to his voice. it’s the only thing that calms me down in this chaotic, strange time of my life. sorry if some of the things I’ve said weren’t exactly what you wanted to hear, but that’s how it is. I’m cooking plain rice for lunch because there’s nothing else to eat, but honestly, I really don’t care. I am returning to my old mindset. it is safer.

I’m looking forward to end of november and all of december. it will be just my own time.

October 30, 2010