you sit and you bleed

the week has passed by with such speed I find it hard to believe that it’s saturday again. I wish I could say that marks the end of my working week, but no. I am okay with it, though. I spent a lot of time reading; alexandra fuller’s scribbling the cat. I am not reading the book, I am swallowing it. her writing amazes me. I spent time reading and writing, because a good book makes my fingers itch immediately. I wish I could put a stop to my infamous habit of writing at three in the morning. and then clicking send. to my surprise, the words still made sense when I re-read them in the morning, but it’s kind of hard to tell what irreparable damage has been done. it was like a boom. big bang. something. but I will live.

the weather has been insufferable. in fact, it was just after monday night last week that it started to rain. I didn’t realize before how angry everybody was with me before. I wish they weren’t. I need some space, some time to think about everything. to exist, to write, to breathe. I need to learn how to live, and how to enjoy it. I feel as if I’ve just been living through my life. it took a completely different person to make me realize that. someone had to storm into my life and disturb the levelness. if there had ever been any.

I am happy I am reading again. it means my own voice, my own words will start to come back soon, too.

August 24, 2013